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Wednesday, 2 October 2013


After the excitement of Sunday due to the Colo-Prep, hospital was almost an anti-climax. Left home just after 5am Monday, and travelled down the N2 highway heading east to the small town of Howick just over 70km away.

A friend of mine had come to stay overnight, just on a whim,  and was on her way home to Durban so she gave me a lift. I can't say that I was scintillating company on Sunday, but fortunately the Italian leprechaun popped over from his cottage with a bottle of red wine and they had a great time together, while I watched with a jaundiced eye between dashes to the throne room.

Arrived at the Howick private hospital at about 6am, (you got the money honey, and they've got the time), fortunately I have a very good medical aid, (insurance) otherwise I could not afford their services). Was in the ward by 6:30am, all dressed up in that gown (short) that laces up at the back, even Houdini could not fasten them, just for modesty's sake they also gave me a pair of blue paper bloomers, (I kid you not). When you go to hospital leave your dignity at home.

My turn in theatre was scheduled for 11 so I lay there in this fancy dress for almost 5 hours. At about 10:30 a nurse walked into the ward and casually remark that she had come to give me an enema, (talk about insult to injury) told me to turn on my side and proceeded forthwith. She didn't even have to open the gown at the back, just pulled down my paper bloomers. I said to her that fortunately she did not have to do that too often, at which she said, "some days I do 10 - 15 enema's, by the end of the day I feel like an arsehole." Then took her instrument of torture and left, saying on her way out, "try and keep that in for at least 10 minutes". I had to pull up my own bloomers.

At 11 I was wheeled into the theatre waiting area. Theatres aren't what they used to be, no glaring white tiles but soft muted colours. A very pretty theatre nurse came up and said, "Hi, I'm Christy and I'll be assisting Dr during your operations." (2 operations and a colonoscopy) Then the surgeon arrived and together him and Christy pushed my bed over to the operating table and invited Invited me to get on. The Dr proceeded to set up the drip through which the anaesthetic would be administered. Then the anaesthetist, whom I'd met earlier in the day, came and stood at my head and started doing her thing.

Looking up at the theatre lights above me I noticed that they were starting to go blurry, the anaesthetist looked down at me and said, "nighty night", and I was out like a candle. Next thing I was awake, wide awake, and saw the doctor standing at the end of my bed looking at me and saying, "all done, went very well, will come and sign you out tomorrow". Hemorrhoidectomy, lesion removed from left calf, and hardly any pain, and no nausea, and 10 minutes later I was having a nice cup of tea in the ward.

The care I received in this hospital was 5 star, just out of this world.

Next morning the doctor came to sign me out, seems for the hemorrhoid operation a new technique was used, thus the very little pain, and I now have titanium staples in that delicate place, talk about "hard arsed", they will eventually dissolve. The colonoscopy showed nothing abnormal, and I got the pathologists report on the lesion this morning, and they say no sign of cancer or any other abnormalities.


Gorges Smythe said...

Well Phillip, I'm sorry that you had to endure all that, but I'm glad the news was good.

Joyful said...

Wow, the wonders of modern medicine (for those that have money). So glad everything went well and that you have a terrific sense of humour about it all :-)